


In The Silent Moments

by Chuckleshan



Series: The Sky is Falling [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2016-08-18
Packaged: 2018-05-13 00:18:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5687281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chuckleshan/pseuds/Chuckleshan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of one shots that look into Clarke's life on Earth before the arrival of the 100. This is a companion piece/prequel of sorts to my Clexa story The Sky is Falling.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. We are Bonded

" _Ai.. laik klark Kom ....Trikru_ " the sentence came out choppy and stiff.

"Better than the last time, but you need to be more confident in your words." Lexa advises sensing Clarke's growing irritation at herself.

"Easy for you to say you've been speaking this your whole life it's only been a month for me." Clarke snips unhappy at her slow progress. "I don't know why you're even wasting your time trying to teach me." Clarke sighed dejectedly.

She's been on the ground for three months now, her bruises were finally starting to be less noticeable and her body didn't hurt allover, she still had very little memory of who she was or why she had been apparently sent down to Earth. The lack of memory also added to her stress.

Lexa looked at the frustrated blonde, putting her hand on her shoulder and squeezing in what she hoped was a comforting manner. Lexa had been spending as much of her free time as possible with the Sky girl, after she'd regained consciousness and Anya had declared she wasn't dangerous.

"I had been chosen by Heda's spirit at two years old," Lexa starts as the two stop at a meadow. Their walks often lead them to this place, Lexa found the serenity of the place away from the bustle of Polis helped Clarke to clear her mind of its troubles. "I'd been training ever since. When I was 10 years old, the elders paired me with Anya," Lexa chuckles at some far off memory before elaborating. "I didn't think I needed a mentor, I was sure there was nothing she could teach me that I didn't already know from my years of training."

Clarke sits down and looks over to Lexa as she stares off into the distance. Clarke has come to learn that even when Lexa appears relaxed she's still vigilant of their surroundings, eyes always scanning even if her face remains pointed in one direction. Clarke feels safe around Lexa.

"I'm guessing she proved you wrong?" Clarke prods after a stretch of silence.

Lexa chuckles once again and Clarke relishes the sound of the Commander's laughter. It's not a sound the young leader often makes. Clarke cherishes the moments when she can make her forget her duties and relax enough to enjoy a memory.

"On our first day of training, I honestly thought she was trying to kill me. We'd spent the morning out hunting, after we'd gotten back to camp and eaten she took me to the training ground to spar."

Lexa pauses and leans back on her elbows, turning her face up to the sky, soaking in the warmth of the sun. "She was bigger and stronger than I was. It was like she predicted every move I made before I'd even thought about it. She pummeled me that first day and then made me stay up for guard duty."

Clarke smiles picturing the memory. "Sounds like something Anya would do."

"I was miserable for the entire week after that, my body ached in ways I didn't know possible. I was at my wits end and ready to beg the council to find me another mentor." Lexa continues.

"What stopped you?" Clarke asks turning her gaze to Lexa.

"At the end of the week, I'd told Anya of my decision to ask for another mentor."

"How'd she react to that?"

"She laughed."

"She laughed?" Clarke echoes confusion lacing her tone.

"Yes, I was startled by it myself." Lexa chuckles thinking back to that night.

Clarke sits up turning her body to face Lexa. She pulls her legs up so she can rest her head on her knees. Lexa turns her head to look into Clarke's eyes. She knows the blonde is giving her, her full attention now. "So what did you do?"

"There was not much to do but wait it out, I'd never known Anya to be one to laugh so much or at all really," Lexa gave a one shouldered shrug. "Once she composed herself she explained to me the reasons why my plan to replace her would fail."

Clarke raised her brow. "And what were those reasons?"

"When Heda's spirit chose me as its new vessel it also set in motion the awakening of those who would train and guide me through my education and ascent to leadership, those people are then started on their own training until it is time for them to serve with the new Heda." Lexa explains thoughtfully.

"So at 5 years old, Anya was being trained to be your mentor?" Clarke asks as the pieces of the women's history start falling together.

"Yes, her purpose is to serve as mentor, confidant and protector to me until our spirits leave this world. We are bound together."

"Okay, but I don't see how that's going to help me get any better at Trigedasleng."

Lexa finally sits up and turns to face Clarke, who sits up straight as well. "Clarke, your spirit remained with you and lead you to us for a reason. My own spirit was drawn to you from the moment they brought you back. You are here in this time and place with me for a grander purpose and just like Anya knew her and I were bound together, I know I am bound to you."

Clarke lowered her eyes at Lexa's admission, feeling her cheeks heat with the intensity of the Commanders words and her steady stare. She'd felt a strong draw towards the brunette from the first time they'd met when Lexa checked in on her in the healers tent, those feelings had only grown in the time Lexa had spent with her as she recovered. She's happy to know that those feelings aren't one-sided.

"I guess we should continue on with our lessons then." Clarke says with renewed resolve.

Lexa smiles softly at her and then starts pointing out things around the meadow for Clarke to name in Trigedasleng.

 

 


	2. Our souls are bonded

Clarke is missing. It's the day of Clarke and Lexa's bonding ceremony, Polis is filled with leaders and representatives of all 12 clans here for the ceremony and Clarke is _missing_!. The only reason Anya hasn't killed Clarke's personal guards after they came to her and told her about the situation, is because she needs them to help her track the blonde down.

She didn't spend half the morning getting her hair braided and putting on ceremonial armor, for there to not be a ceremony. There will be a ceremony even if it's a death ceremony and she'd personally provide the bodies of Clarke's guards, if the sky girl isn't found.

Anya knows she has a limited amount of time to find Clarke before Lexa's bathed, clothed and has her hair braided in the traditional style of the day, before it's Clarke's turn to prepare and meet Lexa for the ceremony to begin. The two nervous guards are standing in the tent watching Anya pace as she thinks, both anxious to have something to do in order to escape her ire.

After about a minute of looking around the tent for any indication as to where Clarke could have gone, Anya suddenly leaves the room without a word. The two guards breathe out a deep relieved sigh at her exit, glad to have escaped uninjured.

* * *

 

"You know if today wasn't the day of your bonding ceremony, I would be impressed with your ability to get past not only your personal guard, but also an entire city filled with warriors, undetected." Anya says to the blonde sat in the grass working on a sketch of the river before her.

Clarke startles a bit and turns around at the voice. "Anya, you scared me."

"Not half us much as I scared your guard when they told me you'd gone missing!" She retorts unamused. "Care to explain why you aren't preparing for the ceremony?"

Clarke had spent enough time with Anya now to learn the subtleties in her tone. She could sense the concern in her mentors voice. "Before you have them killed, I didn't slip past my guard, I just told them I was going for a walk to calm my nerves and I'd be back shortly. I've been looking forward to today for so long and it's just overwhelming that it's finally here and I get to show the world how much Lexa and I love each other.

Anya's shoulders drop in relief at her words, but her face remains impassive. "And how did a walk to calm yourself lead you here?"

"Yesterday, Lexa and I were out riding horses and I spotted a family of ducks out here. I was inspired by the scene, but had nothing to draw with," Clarke starts her sheepish explanation. "I took my sketchpad with me today, just in case inspiration struck again and I guess my mind just brought me here and I lost track of time watching them." She nods towards the mother duck and her ducklings swimming around in the water.

The general looks in the direction Clarke indicates for a moment, if only to hide the smile she's been fighting. She turns back to Clarke, who's now gathering her things. "Let's see it then."

Clarke complies and shows Anya the drawing. The war hardened general will never admit to it but she enjoys seeing Clarke's artwork. Seeing the world through the sky girl's eyes reminds her the world still holds beauty. She nods her head once she's done taking it all in.

"What do you think?" Clarke asks.

"Lexa will be more forgiving of you for being late to your own bonding ceremony."

"We won't be late if you get a move on." Clarke says already a few paces ahead of Anya. The older woman lets out a sigh, _this was certainly not part of her training_ , she thinks before she catches up to Clarke and the two make their way to the bathing tent.

* * *

 

The two made it back with enough time for Clarke to be prepared and Lexa was none the wiser of her _houmon's_ earlier disappearance. A story Lexa would laugh at later when an exasperated Anya told her what had happened.


	3. Ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A training session that gets out of hand and a not so pleased Lexa

"Again Clarke." Anya orders her second, who's laid out on the ground breathing hard. The two had been training since before the sun rose and Anya was not going easy on her. Clarke grunts from her position on the ground and pushes herself up into a sitting position.

Clarke staggers to her feet and Anya waits for her to get back into her fighting stance, it's still too wide and leaves her right side exposed. A weakness Anya has been exploiting throughout their training session. Clarke is skilled with using her weapons in close combat, but her swordsmanship needs work, she's still unbalanced.

Anya draws her wooden sword and starts her attack again. Clarke is ready for her this time and defends her right flank, just as Anya predicted she would do. Seeing her opening Anya lands a hard shot to Clarke's left side and she crumples to the ground with the force of the blow.

" _Em_ _pleni_." Lexa's voice booms from her perch. Lexa had been looking on, watching her mentor and her future _houmon_ during their sparring session. Clarke had been holding her own very well and she saw no reason to step in until she saw Clarke go down. Lexa knows Anya will not approve, but she doesn't care about that right now, she needs to make sure Clarke is okay.

"She's fine, Lexa." Anya defends as the Commander approaches, she can see the fury mixed with worry in her eyes.

"I said that's enough, Anya!" Lexa roars as she walks into the fighting circle.

The General grabs onto Lexa before she can get to Clarke, giving the blonde ample time to pick herself up. "How do you expect her to get up on her own, if you are always there to pick her up?" Lexa struggles to free her arm, but Anya tightens her grip. "You won't always be there to protect her, Lexa, and if she can't protect herself her fight will end much too soon." Anya knows it's a low blow but she needs to get through to Lexa or Clarke will never reach her full potential.

"I said we are done here today, General, understood?" Lexa's voice is low and threatening, it leaves no room for further argument.

Anya let's her go and nods her head. " _Sha_ _Heda_ ," Anya turns to face Clarke who's managed to get herself back up right, although bent over and breathing deeply. "I will see you tomorrow, _seken_."

Clarke looks up at Anya and nods her head once, with that Anya turns and walks out of the training grounds without another word.

Lexa moves over to Clarke and runs a hand over her cheek. "I'm fine Lexa and you know she's right, you won't always be around to protect me. I have to learn to fight my own battles, I want to learn."

"She was being too hard and you are hurt." Lexa's voice betrays her concern.

"What's a few bruises to the girl who fell from the sky and survived to tell the tale?" Clarke laughs and then winces before pulling herself up again and looking into Lexa's eyes, she leans in and kisses the brunette softly, wrapping her arms tightly around her as Lexa deepens the kiss for a moment.

the two don't often display such affection in public, but Clarke always knows when Lexa needs the physical comfort. Right now they are alone on the training ground, so she is unafraid to give that comfort and Lexa is receptive of it.

" _Ai hod yu in_." Lexa declares as her shoulders relax into Clarke's embrace.

" _Ai hod yu in_ _seintaim_ ," Clarke says in turn. "I plan to continue loving you for as long as we live, but I can only do that if I learn how to fight. You should go easier on Anya she's just trying to help."

Lexa pulls away and sighs deeply, she's silent for a moment and Clarke gives her the time she needs. "Remember when I told you of my first week with Anya, about how she seemed to predict my moves before I had even thought to make them?" Lexa asks and Clarke nods. "As I would come to learn later, that was very much by design. Anya is good at reading her opponents and using their own bodies against them, so she always has the upper hand. She can then set the pace of the match, especially in one on one combat."

"So I'm never going to be able to win against her?" Clarke huffs.

"I didn't say that, she is a difficult opponent. You just have to find your own opening." Lexa tells her soothingly.

"How do I do that exactly?" Clarke questions.

"Your posture is good for hand to hand combat, however you are unbalanced when using a long sword, you are too open and she keeps you defending,"Lexa assess. "If she can keep you in a defensive posture she will always have the upper hand."

"Can you show me how?" Clarke asks.

"Pick up your sword," Lexa instructs and Clarke does as she's told. Lexa picks up the other wooden sword and gets into her own powerful fighting stance. "You have to use your strengths and find your balance, what I lack in physical power, I make up for with my speed and agility. You're knowledge of the body's vulnerabilities is something you can use to your advantage, you must lure your opponent within striking distance and then attack."

The two circle each other in the ring, weapons raised. "To defeat any opponent you must first be aware of yourself and your body and then you must be aware of them, find their weakness." Lexa says as she thrusts her weapon towards Clarke's midsection. Clarke deflects the blow with her sword and kicks Lexa just above the knee. Lexa drops to one knee but sweeps Clarke's feet and she falls to the ground beside her.

"Better, but never stop attacking until you are sure your opponent will not be getting up." Lexa praises.

"Okay, let's go again." Clarke insists, getting up and helping Lexa stand.

The two spend the rest of the morning sparring, Lexa making corrections to Clarke's posture and technique as necessary. Anya watches on proudly from a distance.

* * *

 

later on that night, Lexa finds Anya and apologizes for her behavior, it's not often Heda says sorry. The fact that she's said it at all just lets Anya know that Clarke is having as much of an affect on Lexa as she is on Clarke. Anya believes in the good that will come out of their union.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on tumblr at chuckleshan, if you have a prompt for this story or just wanna drop by to say hey.


	4. We face our fears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke learns to ride a horse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #IRespectADC2k16, #IRespectAll100Actors2k16

"Wait you want me to get up on that thing?" Clarke's eyes never leave the horse in front of her, afraid of what the gigantic beast would do if she turned around. She's been on earth for six months now and sure she's seen the riders on horseback coming in and out of the city, may have had a fleeting thought about how it'd be to ride a horse, but there's no way they're getting her on one.

" _Sha Skaiprisa_ ," Gustus nods although Clarke isn't looking at him. Lexa had assigned him the task of teaching Clarke how to ride a horse, much like he'd shown her when she was much younger. Clarke has an adventurous spirit, so he's a bit taken aback at her reluctance. "He is a tame animal, we use him for all our beginners, you will be fine."

Clarke backs away slowly and the chestnut colored horse takes a few steps forward. She turns her eyes to Gustus, who is trying to hold in an amused smile at Clarke's panicked face.

"I don't know Gustus," she speaks lowly, keeping one eye on the horse. "This doesn't seem like such a good idea, what if he bites me or something?"

"I assure you he will do no such thing," Gustus promises and usually Clarke trusts his judgement, he's one of Lexa's top senior advisors, but in this instance she's not so sure if she believes him. "We will take things slowly, why don't you try feeding him a carrot first and then we will brush his hair and put his saddle on. You simply have to get used to him."

"I guess I can do that." Clarke finally relents. Gustus reaches into the bag he's been holding and pulls out a carrot stick and hands it to Clarke.

"Go ahead," he nods towards the horse and Clarke eyes him skeptically before turning back to the horse. Slowly she walks towards him with her hand held out as far in front of her as possible and Gustus has to hold in a laugh at the tremor in her hand. Sensing her anxiety the animal leans forward and slowly starts nibbling on the offered carrot. Halfway through the feeding Clarke seems a bit more relaxed and even manages to get close enough to stroke its head.

Once the carrot is finished she's actually running her fingers along his hair. "Does he have a name?" She asks her eyes never leaving the animal.

"We do not name them."

"Why not?"

The General runs his hand along his braided beard, something Clarke had thought odd when she first met him, until she learned of its cultural significance. "Because they are born for war, not domestication. To name them is to love them and to love them would be to mourn their deaths in battle."

"But you said this one was tame and had been used to train beginners to ride and he's not that young." Clarke's voice tapers off at the end almost whispering the last part as if to try not to cause offense to the horse before her.

Gustus actually has a smile on his face this time and Clarke swears it's the first time she's ever seen his face do that. "There once was a very stubborn young girl, who fell in love with a wild colt that she'd found injured and abandoned when she was out hunting. Instead of putting the animal down, she would sneak off and care for it. She fed it and cleaned it's wounds and nursed it back to health." The mountain of a man chuckles at the memory. "Of course, she thought she was being quite stealthy in her actions over the weeks it took to care for the animal, but she wasn't and one day she was found out."

"Oh, and what happened?" Clarke asks drawn into the story. "Did she get in trouble?"

A deep laugh left Gustus' mouth at her questions. "She commanded the guard who found them to make place in the stables for him."

"Lexa," the name rolls off Clarke's lips as realization sets in. "So, why hasn't he ever been in battle, if he's healthy?"

"His injuries proved too severe for him to ever be useful on a battlefield, but his gentle nature resulted in him being the most suitable for training young and inexperienced _gonas_ how to ride." He answers.

"Yet he has no name?" Clarke persists

"It is his honor to not be named and seen within a league of those who do go to battle, unlike them however he would be mourned."

Clarke nods her understanding.

* * *

 

It takes Gustus another two weeks to finally convince Clarke to actually get on the horse. Once she's in the saddle, her nerves wash away and he finally sees the girl with the adventurous spirit return. An hour into the lesson she's galloping around the pen and trying to contain her excited laughter at the feeling.

"I remember when you first learned to ride, you were just as overjoyed as she was." The man speaks to Lexa, as she stands next to him with a bright smile on her face watching the sky girl that's captured her heart finally conquer her fear.

"It took you much more than two weeks to convince me." She replies her eyes never leaving Clarke.

"She's not always as stubborn as you are and the world is still new and exciting to her." He muses and Lexa makes a hum of agreement as Clarke pulls to a stop in front of the two.

"That was so much fun!" Clarke says as she dismounts the horse and throws her arms around Gustus, her arms barely making it around his shoulders. "Thank you for teaching me."

"It is my pleasure _Skaiprisa_." Is his stiff reply and Lexa has to stifle a laugh. Gustus is one of her most reserved advisors and although he's capable of warmth, even she wouldn't attempt to attack him with her affection. Luckily for him Clarke pulls back after a small squeeze and turns to Lexa, engulfing her in a hug as well, which is much more readily returned.

Gustus nods his approval and moves off to take the horse back to the stables. He's still a bit wary of the sky girl, but she's reignited the fire that had gone out in Heda and he can see her slowly returning to herself and for that he is pleased with Clarke's presence in the young leaders life.


	5. Love Is Strength

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa gives Clarke a very important gift

Clarke is sitting in Lexa's room just relaxing with the young leader. Lexa had fallen asleep some time ago and Clarke had found herself drawing her looking so tranquil.

Clarke looks up during her sketch at the sound of Lexa mumbling in her sleep and she smiles wondering what she is dreaming of. All of a sudden the brunette jumps and startles awake eyes wild as she looks around. Clarke quickly abandons her sketches and moves to comfort Lexa.

"Hey, it's okay it was just a dream, you're safe." Clarke tries to comfort her as best she can.

"That wasn't a dream." Lexa states breathing deeply to try and calm herself.

"What was it then?"

"I can hear the voices of the other Commanders that came before me and they tell me things or give me warnings of things to come."

Clarke laces her hands with Lexa's giving it a firm and reassuring squeeze. "What did they tell you?"

"Wanheda is near." Lexa shudders at the name.

"The Commander of death?" Clarke questions and at any other time Lexa would be proud of Clarke's progress with trigedasleng but for now she's just trying to get her heart rate under control.

"Yes, the Commander of death."

"What does that mean?"

"I don't know, sometimes they are vague messages that serve as a warning and nothing else."

Lexa stands from her place on the couch, she's overwhelmed by the message from the other Commanders and Clarke's proximity. Looking over to where Clarke was seated she sees papers on the floor and picks them up. The first piece of paper is a drawing of her and she turns to look at Clarke.

"You drew me?" she asks her eyes running over the image once again.

Clarke is on her feet taking the papers out of Lexa's hands before she can see the rest of them. "it.. it's not done yet." she stammers.

Lexa simply smiles at her. "You're very talented Clarke, I anticipate the finished product."

Clarke blushes slightly and is spared a response as there's a knock at Lexa's door.

"Enter." she calls and the door is pushed open to reveal Titus, the fleimkapa and Lexa's most trusted advisor, he eyes Clarke for a moment before turning his attention to Lexa.

"I'm sorry Heda, I didn't know you were busy." He bows his head in respect.

"It is alright Titus, what is it?" Lexa responds.

"Ovrik is here and requests an audience with you, Heda."

"Let him know I will see him in the throne room."

"Sha Heda." Titus bows again before leaving the room.

Lexa turns back to Clarke with a small smile. "Duty calls."

Clarke nods her head. "I should probably go find Anya so we can practice a bit more before the hunt tomorrow."

"I will see you at the evening meal." Lexa says and Clarke nods once again before picking up her papers and leaving the room to find Anya.

* * *

 

Titus is not happy and Lexa knows he doesn't agree with her on this decision. He'd known what was happening as soon as Ovrik, Lexa's personal blacksmith, had arrived with a special order for her.

"I understand your displeasure, Titus, but my mind will not be changed." Lexa challenges his argument.

"Love is weakness, she will cloud your judgement, just like Costia." He snaps.

She knows what he is trying at but Costia is still a sore subject and Lexa loses her composure. "Do not talk about her!"

"You have a duty to your people!" Titus raises his voice in challenge.

"The Ice Nation tortured her, cut off her head and had it delivered to my bed!" Lexa roars. "I still let them into my coalition. I am more than capable of separating my feelings from duty!"

Titus shrinks back at her ire. "I am sorry Heda, I did not mean to offend you."

"Yes you did, Titus," Lexa speaks more calmly than before. "I know where you stand on the matter, but this is happening and I would hope you would be happy for me, teacher."

Titus let's out a deep sigh and finally relents. "I just worry about how losing her would affect you. We have come so far and you are special Heda, you deserve an equal."

"Clarke is my equal, my spirit feels it, Titus." Lexa defends. "She has been here for eight moons and she has survived so much. She has learned so much and she will continue to grow, her training will ensure her survival."

"If her spirit calls to yours, then I cannot find reason to argue." The elder finally gives in.

"Mochof Titus." Lexa thanks the man glad for his support.

* * *

 

The evening meal is finally over and everyone is retiring back to their quarters for the night.

Lexa accompanied by one of her guards makes her way down to Clarke's room in the tower. She'd been assigned that room as soon as she was well enough to travel to Polis and Anya had declared she wouldn't be a danger to Lexa. Even so Anya slept in the room directly across from Clarke and had her best guards assigned to watch the sky girl.

Holding the gift Ovrik had delivered in one hand, Lexa knocks on Clarke's door and waits till she hears a muffled "Come in." from the other side.

The guards open the door and Lexa walks in, only to stop in her tracks at seeing Clarke in a flowing blue nightgown, her hair freshly washed and the scent of fresh flowers, an indication of her recent bath, in the air. The girl is breathtaking and Lexa nearly fumbles on her entrance.

Clarke giggles at Lexa's stumbled entrance, not used to seeing the usually graceful and sure footed Commander falter in her steps. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, your beauty is just all encompassing at times." Clarke blushes at the compliment.

"Uhm, thank you." She manages through a shy smile. "So to what do I owe the pleasure of your company?"

Lexa pulls her hands from behind her back revealing an intricately carved box. "This is for you, for your hunt tomorrow." She says as she hands it over, her eyes not meeting Clarke's an indication to the blonde that there's more to this gift than meets the eye.

Clarke takes the box and sets it on her bed before opening it. Inside are two newly made daggers with ornately carved hilts and sheaths to hold them in.

"Lexa, these are beautiful thank you so much." Clarke says touched by the gesture.

"I know you have been looking forward to tomorrow for a long time and a hunter should always have their finest blades at the ready." Lexa is happy her voice managed to come out strong.

Clarke wraps her arms around Lexa and places a soft kiss on her cheek. Lexa quickly reciprocates the now familiar action.

They both pull away from the hug, although a bit hesitantly. "I hope they bring you success in your hunt."

"Thank you so much Lexa, this means a lot to me."

Lexa smiles slowly and Clarke can tell there's more she wants to say. She takes the leader by the hand and pulls her towards the bed and sits with her.

"What else is on your mind?" She asks her hand running softly over Lexa's forearm.

Lexa takes a deep breath enjoying Clarke's ministrations. "Well, as you know our spirits are connected," she pauses and looks into the depths of Clarke's eyes. "and I feel our connection has grown over the time we have spent together."

"I feel the same way." Clarke agrees.

"It is the way of our people to give gifts to express their interest in an intimate relationship with another person." Lexa continues on determined.

"So you're saying you want to be in a relationship with me?" Clarke asks.

Lexa nods. "Yes Clarke, I would like that very much. If it is what you wish as well."

Clarke raises her free hand to cup Lexa's cheek and leans in to kiss her. Both women lose themselves in the kiss only pulling away when air becomes a necessity.

"Yes that's absolutely what I want."Clarke answers before kissing Lexa again.

The two spend the night in Clarke's room, but don't go beyond kissing as neither want Clarke to miss out on her first hunt.

* * *

 

It's late in the day when the hunting party finally returns. Lexa is looking on at the gates from her tower as each member of the group that had gone out walk in with victorious grins on their faces, dragging or carrying in their kill.

Clarke is the last one to come in, dragging behind her a big black panther, with an excited smile on her face. The villagers all cheer for her and Anya pats her on the back as they make their way through the town center to the meat markets.

Once everything is settled the group splits off to get cleaned up before the evening celebrations. Clarke is bouncing with too much adrenaline and excitement from her first hunt to contain herself, she bursts into Lexa's room and plants a firm kiss on her lips.

"I take it the hunt went well then niron"

"It was amazing, so exhilarating and thanks to your gift, I managed to take down a panther." Clarke smiles before kissing Lexa again.

"After I get cleaned up we are so celebrating." she tells Lexa before leaving the room and going to the bathing chambers.

"If she gets so excited about her first kill with those daggers, I can't wait to see what she does when you give her the sword." Anya's amused voice pulls Lexa out if her daze.

"That is still awhile off for now." Lexa has to bite back a smile at the thought of having a binding ceremony with Clarke.

"Not too far off though." Anya counters and Lexa doesn't even deny it, because she knows that Clarke will someday be her houmon.

"How did she do on the hunt?" Lexa asks knowing that Anya would spare no details.

"You would have been proud she took all her training to heart and used all the instincts she learned," Anya praises, but Lexa knows there's more so she nods to her General as a sign for her to carry on. "The panther put up more of a fight than expected, it took her down and she somehow managed to get on her back in enough time to drive the daggers through it before the animal could maul her."

Lexa's heart clenched at the information but she holds her resolve. "What are her injuries?"

"Very minor there was a deep scratch to her shoulder, but she insisted it was nothing to worry about. I stopped by the healers on the way here to get some salve for the wound." Anya answers handing over a vial.

"Thank you, Anya." Lexa says sincerely and receives a rare smile from her stoic friend before she takes her leave.

Lexa makes her way to the bathing chambers and sees Clarke stepping out of the floral bath, she quickly averts her eyes from Clarke naked back.

"You're late if you were hoping to join me." Clarke teases and Lexa turns around to see the girl wrapped in a towel.

"I brought you something for your shoulder." Lexa responds lifting the vial.

"Anya told you didn't she?" Clarke asks with a raised brow. Lexa merely nods her head.

Clarke shakes her head and makes her way to her bedroom taking Lexa's hand on her way out. "You can help me apply it once I've dried off."


	6. We Savor Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is ready to take the next step in their relationship! Titus has other ideas...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who is reading this story and who has left a review, each one is very much appreciated! To everyone involved in the Movement please remember what we are fighting for and why we are fighting. keep trending on twitter and keep sending letters to the advertisers! Remember the media blackout! DO NOT GIVE THAT SHITSHOW VIEW, DO NOT WATCH LIVE OR ON ANY PLATFORM THAT CAN COUNT AS A VIEW. enough of my public service announcement enjoy the read and chapter 12 of The Sky is Falling will be out in a few days!

 

"If you want to be a warrior, you're going to have to do better than that." Anya calls from her position above Clarke. She's just taken her down for what feels like the 10th time in as many minutes and Clarke is so frustrated.

The younger blonde huffs and stands again getting into her fighting stance and they begin again, circling each other before going in for their attacks. Clarke lunges for Anya and the girl avoids the hit and counters once more, trapping Clarke in a headlock.

"Predictability is your biggest weakness in a fight Clarke, you need to change your moves and your pace, never let your opponent read you or it could get you killed." Anya says as she strikes her in the ribs. "Think about what I've said and we will pick this up tomorrow, when you're hopefully more focused."

Clarke just lays there for a minute, stunned that Anya has called for an early end to their training, usually they'd be going from before sunrise until late into the afternoon with only a short meal break. They've only been sparring for a few hours, but Clarke isn't going to complain. Anya had been going all out with their training lately and Clarke wasn't sure she could survive much longer, half her body was covered in bruises and those bruises had bruises. She really thought Anya would go easier on her after she caught that panther, apparently Anya had other ideas.

None of that matters today though, because Lexa is coming back and training is over for the day. Lexa and Titus had been gone for a week to settle a dispute with two of the northern clans and Clarke knew how stressful those trips could be.

She doesn't know what time the convoy will be back so she has one ear listening out for the horn signalling the Commander's return. While she gets everything else prepared.

As she's making her way up from the kitchens in the elevator, she hears the first horn, a grin spreads across her face. It won't be long now, the handmaidens she'd asked to prepare the bath last night should be finished with the preparation just before Lexa enters the gates.

The food should be ready and laid out for them soon after they've finished bathing. One thing Clarke learned about Lexa early on is that no matter how hungry she is after a journey, she always washes first and she plans to use that to her advantage.

They're still in the early stages of their courtship, but Lexa has been so sweet and they've been taking things at Clarke's pace. It's only right she be the one to make this next move. This will be the first time they've been so intimate, but Clarke's ready to take that step forward with Lexa.

The second horn sounds just as Clarke makes her way out the tower and towards the gates. She's trying not to let her excitement overwhelm her, she knows she can't just whisk Lexa away from the crowds, but they'll have their time alone soon enough.

Aden, one of the young nightbloods, takes up a position next to Clarke and takes her hand. She smiles down at the boy who is already looking up at her with brilliant smile, his two front teeth missing. Clarke's close with all the nightbloods, but she's always felt closer to Aden. He reminds her a great deal of Lexa.

Once the gates open the cheers for Heda swell as if to welcome her and her men back from a great battle. Lexa scans the crowd from her position atop her horse as she's lead in by her guards and Titus. Once their eyes connect a smile breaks out across both their faces, happy to be together again.

* * *

 

She swears Titus is doing this to spite her, keeping Lexa longer than is absolutely necessary just to try and ruin her plans. Luckily Clarke had expected that and made sure the handmaidens had overheated the bath water so it'd be a perfect temperature once Titus was done droning on.

The cooks were preparing a hearty stew that would take a few more hours to finish. The stew is Lexa's favorite thing to eat after a long journey, she told Clarke once that it helps her sleep and gives her energy for the next day.

Clarke is just lighting the last of the candles she has set out in Lexa's room when she hears the door open.

"Clarke?" Lexa questions as she looks around curiously before her eyes land on the blonde.

Clarke can feel a blush creeping up. "Hi, welcome back, I hope you don't mind, I just wanted to welcome you home properly. I know you had a long journey and you're probably really tired…" Clarke rambles until Lexa wraps her up in a tight hug.

"I've missed you too, Clarke." she speaks softly into her ear. The two melt into each other's arms enjoying the inexplicable feeling of being home.

Lexa pulls back slowly and rests her forehead against Clarke. "You did all of this for me?" she asks in awe.

Clarke leans in and pecks the lips she's been aching to kiss, it's not enough but it will do for now. "There's more to my welcome home plan than this." Clarke pulls Lexa back in for a deeper, more passionate kiss. The two get lost in each other until they're practically dizzy, before pulling away with happy smiles on their faces.

"Mmm." Lexa hums against Clarke's lips. "I enjoy this welcome very much."

Clarke pulls away completely. "You're distracting." she giggles lightly.

"I think that's you." Lexa retorts leaning in for another kiss, but Clarke turns her face.

"No more distracting Commander," Clarke teases. "Come on, the bath is waiting and should be just the right temperature now."

"Bath?" Lexa stops short.

"Yes, you know that thing you like to do after a long journey," Clarke answers. "I had some of the girls prepare us a bath so we could both relax."

"Us?" Lexa questions even more perplexed.

Clarke can't help but laugh a bit more at the reaction before taking both of Lexa's hands in hers. "I can't believe it, the great Heda Leksa Kom Trikru, at a loss for words."

"Clarke…" Lexa's words die on her lips as Clarke kisses her softly for a moment.

"I'm ready to move forward Lexa and I just want to bathe with you and enjoy a moment of peace. It's something we both deserve." Clarke says softly, her hands coming up to cup Lexa's cheeks.

The young leader just nods and allows herself to be lead to her private bathing chambers.

* * *

 

The fresh smell of lavender fills the room and helps to ease Lexa's nerves. Clarke turns to face her and slowly starts to unbuckle her waist coast while silencing her protests with a soft kiss and even softer words. "You always put your people first, now let me take care of you."

Slowly Clarke strips Lexa of all her physical layers, kissing every inch of skin as it is revealed to her. Her eyes, hands and lips take their time to worship Lexa's body, trail over the scars that litter her skin.

Once she's naked before her, Clarke guides her into the steaming water. The blonde removes her own clothes and slides in behind Lexa. She runs her hands across strong shoulders and digs her fingers into the tense muscles working them into relaxation.

Brunette hair is cast over one shoulder as a trail of kisses are placed along Lexa's tattoos from the sacred symbol to each mark representative of her conclave. Her hands reach where her lips can't as she feels the stress leave Lexa's body.

Eventually they're both clean and relaxed in the still warm water. Lexa practically melted into Clarke. She leans her head back against Clarke's shoulder with her eyes closed and a content smile on her face.

"You are so beautiful." Clarke whispers not wanting to break their moment. She lays more kisses against Lexa's exposed neck.

"I am lucky to have been granted the fortune to exist in a lifetime where you exist." Lexa retorts.

Clarke rolls her eyes. "You always know what to say."

"It's easy when one speaks true." Lexa says turning her face to plant a quick kiss on Clarke's lips.

* * *

 

The two stay in the bath until the water loses its warmth. They take their time drying each others bodies and getting dressed in their night robes.

The meal is spent in comfortable silence, savoring the peace of the others company. The candles giving the room a soft glow. Shy smiles are exchanged between spoonfuls of the savor stew..

Stomachs filled and hearts happy the two women step out onto the balcony and look out towards the sky. "You know some nights I look up at the stars and wonder if where I came from could be one of them." Clarke speaks softly while leaning back in Lexa's arms.

"It's only natural to wonder about your home." Lexa replies.

Clarke turns to face Lexa, throwing her arms around her neck. "This, here with you, is my home." the blonde says before pulling Lexa into a kiss which the young leader eagerly returns.

The two remain on the balcony for a while long watching stars streak across the sky, before retiring to Lexa's bed. It's not the first night they have shared a bed, but they can both feel the shift in their relationship as they curl around each other and fall into their dreams.


	7. Costia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa gets personal with Clarke about her past with Costia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this started out as just a tiny fluff piece about a sassy Clarke and then it turned into a shitstorm of a headcanon session. TW: for some mild violence and mentions of character death. It isn't too gory but still just in case. I blame all of this on Fairytaleslayer and a marathon of Costia headcanons. This chapter is very important to the timeline of the upcoming chapters in TSIF and for Chapter 8 of this story. enjoy!

* * *

Lexa places a soft kiss to Clarke's forehead and wraps her arms tighter around her houmon. The word and the meaning of their bond brings a smile to Lexa's face.

For the longest time Lexa could never imagine her life going this way. The life of a Commander is supposed to be a solitary existence, a life of duty to her people. Clarke has changed Lexa's perspective on that matter in so many ways. Lexa knows she's a better leader to her people because she has someone to remind her of her goals, even on the bad days.

Before Clarke she was merely existing to serve her people, but now she was thriving. Everyday she worked harder to achieve peace for her people and to finally bring an end to the mountain's tyranny. She knows when that day finally comes she will stand victorious with Clarke by her side. Together they will slay the mountain.

Today is Ascension day and soon Polis will be alive with activity as the sacred day is celebrated. Most of the ambassadors have already arrived in the days leading up to the celebration. The city is filled to the brim with all its additional guests.

Lexa knows that soon she will be called away from her bed, away from Clarke, to share a meal and speak with the Ambassadors. She has many duties to perform for her people during the morning, but her afternoon belongs to Clarke.

She longs to see the wonderment in Clarke's eyes as the celebration gets into full swing. This will be Clarke's first Ascension day and Lexa wants to make it special. Although, Clarke had assured her the night before that getting her out of training with Anya for the day was all she needed to make this her second favorite day.

Smiling at the thought Lexa allows herself to be lulled back to sleep for a few more hours wrapped up with Clarke.

* * *

The city is practically buzzing with energy this morning. The kids are out playing, vendors from all twelve clans are in the markets calling out to the passersby enticing them with rich smells and bright colors of their products.

The last time Clarke remembers the city being this alive with energy was on the day of her union with Lexa.

Since Lexa had managed to get Clarke the day off from training with Anya - something she planned to show her appreciation for later- Clarke decided to go to the markets for the day and pick up a few items.

Clarke spends some time talking to the resident candle maker, about the new scents the older woman has been incorporating into her candles and which ones she would recommend for Heda. Clarke decides to indulge Lexa's obsession and purchases some of the new scents to surprise her with when they meet up in the afternoon.

Happy with her purchase and knowing Lexa will be even more excited about it than she is, Clarke continues making her way through the marketplace. She makes a few more stops and picks up a few more things for herself and Lexa.

On her way back to the tower Clarke hears whimpering and decides to see where the sound is coming from. She follows the noise down an alley and stops in her tracks. She spots a man with a knife to a boy's throat and she slowly reaches for her own weapons, taking advantage of his back being turned to her. Clarke, knife in hand, starts quietly stalking towards the man trying not to alert him to her presence. She doesn't want him to startle and hurt the kid.

Unfortunately while she's focused on the rescue mission she misses the other presence in the alley. By the time she senses him it's too late as she feels something heavy come down on the back of her head and her world goes black.

* * *

Lexa's meetings are finally done for the day, she's relieved to be out of there without any of the usual squabbles. She's ready to enjoy her afternoon with her wife.

She makes her way back to their bedroom and is about to go have a quick wash and change her clothes when there's a knock at the door. She calls for whoever it is to enter and has to stop her eyes from rolling when Titus walks in.

"I told you Titus, my duties for the rest of the day are with Clarke." Lexa tells him.

"I'm well aware of that Heda, but there is a family that is demanding an audience with you." Titus answers and Lexa can tell something isn't right.

"What about?" she asks brows raising.

"Clarke." the name is all she needs to hear before she's out the door and moving towards her throne room.

She bursts through the door and startles the already upset boy. His parents scramble to bow their heads once they realize her presence.

"There's no need for that, Titus says you have something to tell me about Clarke?" she speaks keeping her voice level and controlled.

The young boy, Boghdan, as he introduces himself tells her the story of what had happened in the alleyway. About the two men, one who'd threatened him with a sword while the other hid in the shadows. Lexa's blood ran cold as he described how the one hiding in the shadows had stalked up behind Clarke and knocked her to the ground, before his accomplice let him go and they made off with Clarke.

"I tried to stop them Heda, but they were just too big." the boy cries dejected.

Despite her emotions Lexa tries to comfort the young boy. "You were very brave Boghdan, can you tell me if you recognized them? Was there anything you can tell me about the men?"

Boghdan nods his head and wipes his tears. "They were Azgeda."

Lexa has to swallow down the bile that rises in her throat and fight back the cold dread that washes over her at his words.

"Are you sure?" she questions.

"Yes Heda, they have the raised markings on their faces like all Azgeda do." He confirms.

"Thank you Boghdan, I promise this information will help us find Skai Prisa." Lexa hopes that her words are true. "Just wait here a minute okay."

The boy nods and Lexa turns to Titus indicating for him to follow her out of the room. "Find the Ice Nation ambassador and bring him to me immediately. Tell Anya and Gustus I need to speak with them." She orders.

"Yes Heda." Titus bows his head before going off with two guards to find the ambassador."

Lexa walks back into the throne room and asks Boghdan a few more questions to try and gather as much information as possible.

Anya and Gustus arrive as soon as they are made aware of the situation. Together the three of them are led back to where the attack happened. Lexa finds one of Clarke's knives on the ground amidst a scattering of candles and Clarke's favorite berries.

"I don't care if we have to tear the city apart and start a war, find her!" Lexa roars out her order, her blood boiling over.

"We will." Anya swears and Gustus grunts an agreement. The two take off to round up their best scouts and hunters to pick up the kidnappers trail.

Halfway back to the tower a runner let's Lexa know that Titus had found the Azgeda ambassador and that the two are waiting in the throne room.

* * *

Lexa pushes through the door swords drawn. "What is your Queen up to Quint!" she demands thrusting the blade against the man's fat neck.

"My Queen has done nothing Heda." the smug man answers.

"Where is Clarke, I know your people took her!" Lexa snarls.

"Why would they do that Heda?" he asks not even flinching. "Our fealty is to you and the Coalition. It is possible the Sky Girl's mind has finally returned to her and she has simply run away. Do you really want to destroy your own Coalition over her?"

Titus steps in at that moment. He can see Lexa is getting worked up by Quint and she needs to step back. "Heda, we must consider the possibility he is not aware of his Queen's actions." he speaks to her quiet enough for only her to hear.

Lexa steps away from the disgusting excuse of a man before her and walks out towards her balcony. She let's the cool air calm her racing mind. Titus could be right that Quint is unaware of Nia's plan, she certainly wouldn't trust that oaf with any secrets so why would the Ice Queen.

She feels Titus' steady presence behind her. "What should I do Titus?"

"Trust in the abilities of your people and in Clarke's training." Titus answers in a rare moment of comfort. He knows where Lexa's mind is going to, images of Costia fresh in his own mind. Right now he needs to be steady and guide her.

"I don't care what you have to do Titus, he doesn't leave until Clarke is found or he gives up what he knows." Lexa tells him.

"Are you sure?" Titus asks.

Lexa turns to face him, fire in her eyes. It's all the answer Titus needs. He walks back into the throne room and orders the guards to arrest Quint and bring him along with him for further questioning.

If anyone can get the truth out of Quint, it's Titus. Lexa knows he's got very specialized methods of garnering information even if someone is less than willing to cooperate. She just hopes Quint talks or the hunters and scouts find out where they've taken Clarke before it's too late.

* * *

Clarke startles awake, her eyes frantically scanning the room as she tries to regain her bearings. It takes a minute to realize she's not in Polis anymore or at least she thinks she isn't, she can't be sure.

Another minute and the memories of the little boy being held at knife point by the Azgeda man. Then a cold chill runs down her spine at the throbbing in the back of her head where his accomplice must have hit her over the head from behind.

She needs to figure out where she is and get out of here. She just hopes she hasn't been out long enough for them to have gotten her back to the Ice Nation already.

Taking a deep steadying breath Clarke realizes they've tied her hands and her legs, but they haven't tied her down to anything. She just has to find a way to cut the ropes loose and she may be able to get out of there.

She closes her eyes and starts to listen, it's quiet out, no sounds of people or animals. She's definitely outside of Polis. Taking another inhale comes up with familiar smells of grass, pine trees and primrose. The flowers are some of Lexa's favorite and Clarke knows hardly anything grows in the practically barren Ice Nation territory and that thought relieves Clarke. She still has a chance.

Suddenly she hears footsteps outside and she stills her movements. She hears voices next and it has to be the two men from the alley, they seem to be discussing their plans. Now more than ever Clarke is grateful Lexa and Anya had insisted she learned Azgeda's trigedasleng dialect.

"We can't stay here much longer, they'll know she's missing by now." one of the men says.

"They don't know who took her and where from, we have time." his accomplice answers him. "We'll wait until the celebration is at its peak and then we will go. Heda can't escape her duties."

"The boy saw us!" the other man argues. "We let him go!"

"He was of no consequence and killing him would have had an army at our backs. She is the key to our freedom, once the Queen has her we will be back with our people."

"And if we are captured before that we will be tortured and killed by Heda."

"We won't be captured, they don't know where we are. Now just go and check on her, she should be waking soon."

Clarke, after loosening the ropes around her legs, immediately takes back her previous position evening out her breathing to feign sleep. The approaching footsteps stop right next to her and Clarke bides her time. She doesn't flinch as he checks her for a pulse, she's relieved when he finally steps away from her.

As she hears him turn to leave she strikes. Jumping to her feet she lunges towards him wrapping her bound hands around his neck. Pulling back as hard as she can squeezing his windpipe as he struggles to break free. Clarke pulls her arms up and the man finally drops.

Clarke releases her old and grabs his knife striking the deathblow. She's breathing heavy from the exertion, but she needs to get her hands loose before his partner comes in to check up on them.

Just as she makes the last cut on the rope the other man comes rushing in. Upon noticing the scene he lunges for Clarke before she can even react and she prepares for an impact that never comes. The man drops to his knees and falls face first to the ground in front of her.

"Thanks, but I had that under control." Clarke says to Lexa as she comes into view.

Lexa simply comes up to her wrapping her arms tightly around Clarke. "Are you okay?"

"Yes Lex, I'm fine. I promise." Clarke answers melting into her wife's hold. "How did you find me?"

Lexa pulls away just slightly to look deep into Clarke's blue eyes. She holds Clarke's face in her hands, searching for any signs of injury. "Boghdan, the boy they were holding, told us what happened."

"Is he okay? They didn't hurt him right?" Clarke asks remembering the small boy.

"He's fine, more worried about you than himself," Lexa assures her. "Once we got to the alley the scouts and hunters were dispatched and quickly picked up the trail. Whoever those two were had no experience."

"Luckily or I may have been a lot closer to Azgeda by now."

Lexa's jaw tenses at the truth in Clarke's words. They were fortunate this time. Clarke notices the distant look in Lexa's eyes and pulls her into a soft kiss. The kiss seems to draw Lexa back to reality.

"Did the two of them say anything about Nia's plans?"

Clarke thinks for a moment replaying the snippets of conversation she heard. "I'm not sure she had anything to do with this. They talked about gaining their freedom and being with their people again."

Lexa looks at the two bodies at their feet. "They were banished."

"It appears so." Clarke replies.

"Heda," Anya calls from outside the old tunnel. "The perimeter is secure, have you located Clarke?"

A second later Anya, Gustus and Ryder appear weapons drawn and eyes scanning the area for any threats. Noticing the two men on the ground they sheath their weapons.

"Gustus, we will be taking them back with us." Lexa says indicating to the men. Titus has been holding Quint this entire time and she wants to find out everything he knows about those men.

* * *

"I thought we didn't have training today Anya." Clarke snips as she walks out of her room to be greeted by her mentor waiting outside the door.

"You are correct we do not have training today and you know why I'm here." Anya answers pushing off the wall she'd been leaning against.

"I'm just going to the markets Anya, it's been a month and they were rogues. I don't need a protection detail." Clarke huffs and stomps past Anya.

The older blonde follows her into the elevator. It's been a month since the kidnapping and Quint had confirmed that the two men had in fact been banished by Queen Nia for trying to raise a military coup against her. After she banished them the two had sworn their vengeance and hadn't been seen or heard from again.

Lexa had been loathe to believe his story, but considering their inexperience in the kidnapping, and her previous experience with Azgeda bounty hunters, she had no choice but to believe Quint and let him go.

Titus had reset both of Quint's dislocated shoulders after the interrogation. They'd kept him in Polis under watch for a week until he was able to travel back home.

In the time since then Lexa had been more vigilant with Clarke, despite her wife's protests. Guards had been assigned to keep watch over her, even if from a distance. If Lexa wasn't with her then Gustus, Ryder or Anya would be, under some ridiculous guise to keep her company.

Anya for her part had stepped up their training and incorporated some interesting tactics to keep Clarke on high alert. Clarke was less irritated by this as she'd seen it coming the night of the rescue when Anya had scolded her for getting kidnapped by two incompetent fools.

She's taken to the new training and extra bruises in stride. She never wants a repeat of what happened, but she still feels that Lexa is going beyond what's necessary in her efforts to keep her safe. She's a warrior just like everyone else and she should be treated as such, not a defenseless child. " _Even I have guards with me Clarke"_ is the frustrating reasoning Lexa uses whenever Clarke complains.

The elevator reaches its destination on the ground floor and Clarke strides out. "Seriously Anya, don't you have something more important you could be doing with your time?"

Anya grits her teeth and continues walking behind her second. She's biding her time until they're out of the tower. She's had just about enough of Clarke's attitude and it's obvious Lexa has been less than forthcoming with Clarke.

Annoyed at the lack of answer and still being followed, Clarke turns to face Anya ready to confront her. Anya has her pinned to the nearest wall arm twisted behind her back before she can even blink.

"Head over heart," Anya says into her ear. "You went into that alleyway never once being aware of the situation all you saw was the boy and you could have been killed."

Clarke stops struggling against her hold as the words sink in. "If you died then Lexa would have died with you."

"No she wouldn't." Clarke says regaining her fight. "Her spirit is strong." she won't let anyone talk down Lexa not even their mentor.

"Do you not know how much she loves you?" Anya questions letting go of Clarke.

"Of course I do, what kind of question is that?" Clarke spins to face Anya face full of rage.

Anya merely shakes her head. "Come on goufa, you have much to learn."

"But it's my day off." Clarke sulks, but follows.

* * *

"Where are we going?" Clarke asks once they are beyond the markets and out the city gates.

"There's something you need to see and I hope it will open your eyes." Is Anya's vague reply.

Clarke's shoulders slump and she continues to follow along quietly. Anya's always been a physical mentor not one to take you on field trips.

A quarter mile later Anya finally stops in front of a large imposing willow tree. The tree is beautiful and stands alone in its majesty. Clarke wishes she had her drawing supplies to capture it's magnificence.

"It's a beautiful tree but what does it have to do with anything?" Clarke asks confused.

"Just like you and Lexa have a quiet place, this was Lexa and Costia's peaceful place," Anya starts to explain. "After Costia's murder at the hands of the Ice Nation, I watched Lexa crumble and become a shell of herself." Clarke's stomach starts to sink. Lexa had never mentioned this place to her.

"She never let anyone know how much Costia meant to her or how much pain her death caused her. She held her head up high and continued working towards the coalition. She blamed herself, her weakness, for getting Costia killed."

Anya turns to face Clarke, her eyes heavy with emotion. Costia wasn't only Lexa's love, she was also one of Anya's closest friends, almost like a sister. They both lost someone they cared about that night, but Anya was allowed to grieve while Lexa had to remain strong for her people.

"On the hard days when her heart would try to overtake her head. She would come out here and spend hours under this tree, no matter the weather, she would just meditate and when she was done she would return more focused."

Clarke takes in Anya's words looking at the tree that meant so much to her wife and her former lover. Clarke knew about Costia and that Lexa loved her. Costia still occupied space in Lexa's heart even if she didn't bring her up past their initial conversation about the girl. Lexa isn't one to bring up the past.

"When you came along she tried to fight her feelings, but she couldn't and she insisted on resisting them until you were trained." Anya reveals and Clarke thinks back to her first few months on Earth. Finally having an explanation for Lexa's apparent moods before the start of their relationship.

Her heart soares and breaks at the same time. Lexa spent those first months making sure she never gave up in her training and helped her when she could. It's what brought them closer together.

"Once I assured her that you could handle yourself in any situation I had thrown to you is when she finally felt comfortable enough to open her heart to you."

Clarke runs her thumb over the hilt of one of the daggers Lexa had given her. The gift given to her for good luck on her first hunt and as a symbol of the beginning of their courtship.

"I know you are not happy with this arrangement Clarke," Anya acknowledges. "But you are her second chance and those are rare in this life. Lexa deserves the happiness she has found with you and if I have to spend my last breath ensuring that then I will."

The weight of Anya words almost knock Clarke to her knees. She's overwhelmed by a need to be with Lexa, there's a lot they have to talk about. "Thank you for bringing me here Anya. I needed this."

Anya just nods, looks back at the tree once more and then turns back towards the city limits.

* * *

Clarke immediately heads to the throne room where she knows Lexa will be. She stops her strides long enough to confirm with the guards that Lexa is alone inside. They mention Titus, but he's used to her barging in by now and as she'd expected his only reaction is an exasperated breath.

"Skai Prisa, is there something I can help you with?" He grits out in greeting.

"I just need to speak to Lexa, alone." Clarke insists.

"She's on the balcony." He tells her before leaving the room, guards in tow.

Usually Clarke would be amused by Titus' obvious dislike of her and having to follow her orders, but today she has a different focus.

"Lexa," Clarke calls making her way out to the balcony. Lexa has her back to Clarke as she watches over her city. The only acknowledgement Clarke receives is Lexa relaxing her shoulders.

Clarke walks up behind her wife and wraps her arms around her. She feels the tension seeping out of Lexa's body at the contact. "I love you."

Lexa turns in Clarke's embrace. "I love you too Clarke, not that I am complaining, but you weren't exactly happy with me when I left this morning."

Clarke kisses Lexa's cheek and squeezes her wife to her a bit tighter before pulling back, looking her in the eyes. "I know and I'm sorry, I know you're just trying to keep me safe."

"To the best of my ability." Lexa confirms running her hands up and down Clarke's back.

"We need to talk."

"We can talk about anything Clarke."

Clarke's next words are measured, her gaze scrutinizing. "Even Costia?"

Everything goes silent for a moment. Lexa's face remains it's stoic mask, but her eyes run a complete gamut of emotions. Determination is the one Lexa finally settles on. She pulls away from Clarke only their hands staying connected.

"Even Costia, but not out here." Lexa tugs Clarke forward and the two make their way to their bedroom. "Nobody enters, not even Titus." Lexa tells the guards stationed outside the doors.

They sit on their couch bodies facing each other, knees touching. "Anya took me to the tree this morning." Clarke confesses.

"Now you're curious?" Lexa prods.

"Yes," Clarke nods. "Costia is important to you and she still occupies space in your heart, I want to know more about her and I think it's time you finally talked about her."

Lexa takes Clarke's hand pulling it to her lips and planting a soft kiss on the warm flesh. "I think the two of you would have gotten along, both strong willed and kindhearted."

Clarke notes the soft smile on Lexa's face and she can feel her own smile mirrored back. "I met Costia when I was seven years old. She was beautiful even back then, hair dark curly hair shone in the sun."

"Her mother was the fisa for the natblidas and we'd had a particularly brutal training that morning." Lexa chuckles at the memory her eyes distant as if back to that time.

"Costia wanted to be a fisa too, so her mother brought her along that day to help out. While her mother looked after the my sparring mate, she decided she would bandage me up, despite my protests."

"I definitely would have liked her then, you need someone to look after you." Clarke jokes and Lexa laughs along with her.

"After that day Costia would always accompany her mother to watch us train. Overtime we grew closer and she declared us friends one afternoon." Lexa continues.

"Any free time I had was spent in her company. She took interest in my training as I took in hers. She taught me about medicines and I showed her how to use a sword."

"I always thought Titus taught you that stuff. At least with the way he carries on." Clarke speaks at the new information.

"He did as well, but Costia was a much more patient and effective teacher when it came to that field of studies. She was always excited to show me the things she learned and her enthusiasm was infectious." Lexa clarifies.

"How'd she take to your lessons in swordsmanship?" Clarke asks.

Lexa laughs a bit at the question. "She took it on from a more tactical aspect, she hated to lose and so she studied my movements and adapted her own style. She was really good at picking up those small details, something else she taught me before Anya refined the lessons."

"Did she ever beat you?"

"She came close," Lexa answers lifting her shirt and pointing to a scar on her body. "She drew blood and dropped the wooden sword to review my injuries."

Clarke traces her fingers over the scar, one she'd seen a million times and attributed to her wife's many battles. Now she sees the mark in a new light, a tangible representation of the only other woman that Lexa loved.

Lexa clears her throat regaining Clarke's attention. "She was always there for me, no matter what. I remember there was this one boy he was massive for an eight year old and I could never defeat him. I expressed my frustrations to Costia and she came by and watched our training for a week."

"She figured him out, but she wouldn't tell me," Lexa says a small smile on her lips, shaking her head. "She forced me to watch him sparring and asked me to evaluate him and see what he was doing to win and in talking it out with her I finally realized how to win."

Clarke was intrigued by this and squeezed Lexa's hand letting her know to continue.

"He used his size and strength to end the matches as soon as possible, he had no stamina, all I had to do was run him around long enough then strike."

"And you won." Clarke surmises.

"Much to his everlasting frustration. I became the only person he couldn't beat." Lexa gloats.

"I'm surprised there's enough space in this relationship for me with your ego." Clarke jokes and Lexa shoves her lightly.

"You're one to talk." Lexa retorts. "It was never my intention to fall in love with her, but over the years our relationship blossomed beyond either of us could have expected. Titus wasn't pleased."

"Of course he wasn't." Clarke rolls her eyes.

"He's traditional," Lexa defends weakly. "He would always say love is weakness, but she was my strength, especially during my conclave."

The conclave is something Lexa didn't speak about much. All Clarke really knew was that once Heda died there would be a conclave of the nightbloods and from there Heda's spirit would choose one as it's vessel.

"The only people allowed to view the conclave are the Fleimkapa's and the mentors." Lexa starts to explain. "After every round you have a short reprieve before the next one starts. Costia would be waiting for me, she would clean me up, treat my wounds and remind me of my strength. I carried her into ever round with me and faced every challenge with her words as my fuel."

"And you came out on top." Clarke finishes when Lexa falls silent. A deep sigh and a nod is all the answer she gets from her wife. "Lex, it's okay if you don't want to carry on."

Lexa shakes her head. "No Clarke, you are right we do need to speak about this. I just need a moment."

Clarke stands up from her spot, she goes over to the table and pours each of them a cup of water. She hands Lexa her cup and watches her take slow sips of the cooling liquid. Once they both finish Clarke returns the cups to their place.

Lexa wraps herself around Clarke once she's back on the couch. Clarke runs her fingers through Lexa's braids trying to comfort her. She can tell they're getting to the difficult part of the story and Lexa needs the physical comfort to get through it.

"After my conclave, Costia was as much of an advisor to me as Titus, Gustus or Anya. We would go to the willow tree and talk for hours about anything and everything. Even if I didn't want to talk about such things she would always find a way to make me talk." Lexa continues to reminisce.

"I allowed myself to forget we were not yet at peace," Lexa's voice trembles tears starting to spill from her eyes, dripping onto Clarke's shirt. "I had a meeting with Luna, one of her scouts had come back with some information from the south. I thought it would be a nice trip for Costia's first time out of Polis, once our business was over we could spend some time by he sea. She was excited to go and we had everything planned."

Clarke continues to stroke her fingers through Lexa's hair, careful not to muss her braids. She plants a few soft kisses to Lexa's forehead waiting for her to resume.

"A few days before we were to depart her mother became ill. She had to stay and take care of her and I offered to push the trip back a few days, but she told me to go ahead and she would come along once her mother had recovered."

The tears are flowing more freely now from Lexa's eyes but she presses on. "By the time the scout had gotten to us, it was too late. They'd come in the middle of the night, killed her mother and taken her."

Lexa stops then and stands walking over to the doors leading out to their balcony and stepping outside. She leans heavily against the railing taking in deep breathes and letting the soft breeze of the spring day waft over her.

Clarke is quick to follow and wrap her arms around Lexa. She pushes her hair off her shoulder and kisses the crook of her neck. "It's okay Lex, I'm here, just breathe."

Together they take a few breathes, both their eyes closed as they find a rhythm. " The day after my arrival back to Polis, I received a _gift_ from Nia." Lexa spits the Queen's name like a bad taste in her mouth. "It was Costia's head."

Clarke has to brace herself as Lexa falls into her. Turning her body completely she sobs into Clarke's neck letting out everything she's been bottling up since that night.

"I couldn't… that was my fault… I shouldn't have left her. I shouldn't have loved her." Clarke's heart breaks for Lexa. She holds her tighter wishing to absorb all the pain.

"I couldn't retaliate and avenge her because that would have meant destroying my… _our_ coalition, everything we'd been working towards since my ascension."

"Victory stands on the back of sacrifice." Clarke whispers and Lexa nods into her shoulder before pulling back and wiping her eyes dry.

"To win the war against the mountain, the clans need to be united." Lexa says. "I am sworn by duty to do what is right for my people, but I promised myself as soon as this war is over, Nia will pay for her crimes."

Clarke holds on to Lexa her own tears flowing. The two spend what feels like hours wrapped up in each others arms.

"I never expected to find love again and then you came into my life." Lexa speaks softly into Clarke's ear. "I couldn't bare it Clarke if anything were to happen to you because of me."

Clarke holds Lexa's face in her hands and kisses her forehead and her cheeks. "I love you Lexa and I will always come back to you. I'll take the guards, if they'll keep your mind at ease, but I'm well trained you made sure of that."

"I did and I hope you don't see the guards as a reflection of your skills. They are there solely for my peace of mind." Lexa assures.

"I know." Clarke whispers against her lips.

* * *

"I take it everything is resolved?" Anya asks Lexa as she returns to the throne room later on that afternoon.

"Resolved not yet, but certainly in a better state," Lexa answers. "Thank you."

"My duty to you extends beyond just protection," Anya replies. "So what happens now?"

"I have a few ideas, her talents shouldn't be wasted."

"You aren't suggesting what I think you are?"

"I just may be."

Anya chuckles and shakes her head. "They'll both kill you."

"It's a risk I'm willing to take. It will ensure her continued safety." Lexa says taking her position on her throne as the ambassadors walk back into the throne room.


	8. Fleimkapa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The question was once asked what Clarke's role is amongst the Trikru, well here is the answer and how she got there.

“How does one become Heda?” Clarke asks Lexa one day while sitting on the riverbank. Clarke had insisted it was too beautiful a day not to take full advantage of. Lexa, who had a rare day without any meetings, had eagerly agreed. The two had enjoyed a light meal under a tall tree. They'd been quietly relishing each other's company sitting as close as possible, Clarke sketching the landscape as Lexa read one of her many books, when the question came up.

Clarke's been curious about Lexa's position as the Commander, ever since she found out the girl who’d spent so much time with her while she was recovering, was also the Commander of the Twelve Clans. She's had so many questions for so long, but didn't know how and when to ask them. Finally in the comfort of this shared moment she'd decided to start asking all the questions she's had in her head.

Lexa raises her eyes from the page of her book and turns to face Clarke's curious gaze. A soft smile takes over her face and she puts the book down beside her.

“You don't have to answer if you don't want to, I just thought that now that we are courting I could finally ask you all this stuff.” Clarke starts to ramble and it causes a laugh to bubble out of Lexa's lips.

Lexa regains herself at Clarke's pout and she leans over to kiss her softly on the lips for a moment. “You can ask me anything, Clarke.” she says once they pull back.

“So, how'd you become Commander?” She repeats her earlier question. “Is there a specific process or ceremony that has to happen?”

Lexa slides her arm over Clarke's shoulder and Clarke easily complies leaning into Lexa. “I was three years old when my Nomon discovered I was a nightblood and she told my Nontu, who was a high ranking General for the previous Commander.”

Clarke nods her head against Lexa's shoulder. She's patched Lexa up enough times to know about her black blood. It was a shock the first time, but Lexa had explained to her that it's something all Commander’s share. They hadn't gone into great detail about it at the time because Clarke was just happy Lexa had made it back from the skirmish against one of the unruly northern clans in one piece.

“I was taken to Polis and introduced to Heda,Titus and the other Fleimkapas. My training started a week later.”

“At three years old?” Clarke asks pulling away slightly.

“Yes,” Lexa confirms. “At that age it was more games to teach us how to move about silently. It was fun trying to outwit the guards.”

Clarke laughs at the mental image of little Lexa running around Polis, being chased by guards and Titus. “I somehow can't imagine Titus playing with little kids.”

“He's hardened in his old age, but he's always been an excellent teacher.” Lexa says. “Once I was old enough, they paired me with Anya as my mentor and that's when the real training began. The point of which was to prepare me for my conclave. At the time the clans were still at war with each other so Heda didn't have the time to teach us, as I do now with the nightbloods. But whenever possible she would give us lessons.”

“What's the conclave?” Clarke asks sensing Lexa's change in tone.

“After the Commander dies another must be chosen from amongst the nightbloods. The conclave is held a day after the Commander’s spirit has been released.”

“And the spirit chose you.” Clarke concludes.

“Yes it did.” Lexa answers planting a kiss atop Clarke's head.

“Definitely a wise choice.”

* * *

 

Clarke asks more questions as their relationship continues to blossom. Lexa answers as many as she can. Enjoying the way Clarke will pull away from a kiss and randomly ask a question. The inner working of Clarke’s mind fascinates her.

One day she asks an unexpected question, but one that's been at the forefront of Lexa's mind for a while now.

They are spending the night on the outskirts of one of the villages just outside of Tondc after a clan meeting. Clarke has become a regular fixture at the meetings now, as part of Heda’s guard. The position allows the two women to spend time together without arousing suspicions from the other leaders. Lexa is still cautious though and always makes sure Anya or Gustus is on duty with Clarke.

The two are in the throne room of Lexa's tent. Titus has just stepped outside to speak with an old friend of his from the Floudenkru. “Does Titus have a replacement?”

The question catches Lexa, who'd been reviewing a map, off guard for a moment. “A replacement?”

“He's been around for four Commanders he's said and he's not getting any younger.” Lexa laughs at Clarke's tone as she says that.

“No he isn't getting younger.” Lexa agrees.

“He’s the only Fleimkapa left. So what happens when he dies? Who takes over his position? Do the traditions of our people die with him?” Clarke continues on.

“I am not entirely sure on the process, there has always been more than one Fleimkapa, even prior to my conclave there were three of them.” Lexa starts explaining. “Before my ascension there was a battle between Trikru and Azgeda, Titus was the only Fleimkapa that survived the assault.”

“How?” Clarke asks curiously, never having seen the man fight.

“He was brought before Queen Morona, who spared his life since he was the last Fleimkapa .” Lexa starts to explain the events as she'd heard them. “The then Queen had hoped to gain his loyalty by sparing him. She thought that would ensure the next Heda would be chosen from Azgeda.”

“No wonder she hates you, you ruined her grand plans.” Clarke jokes.

Lexa's lips turn up into a smirk. “Heda’s spirit chooses wisely.”

Before any more discussion can be had on the topic, Titus returns to the tent and Clarke retakes her post outside with Anya after he requests a private audience with Lexa.

* * *

It's been two months since the attempted kidnapping when Lexa calls a meeting with her most trusted advisors.

Gustus and Anya take the seats usually reserved for the ambassadors as they await Titus’ arrival. Although, Anya knows why they are there, Gustus isn’t sure why Lexa called this meeting and she's not giving away any hints as she stands on the balcony overlooking the Polis market place.

Titus arrives and stops short when he sees Anya and Gustus already there waiting. “Heda, I was told you wished to see me?” he calls just as Lexa comes back into the room.

“Yes Titus, sit down please.” the older man does as she's requested and takes his usual seat near the throne.

Lexa then takes her seat and casts her eyes to Titus.

* * *

 

“Absolutely not!” Titus protests, his voice an echoing boom through the room. He's outraged at the mere suggestion that he needs to be replaced and disgusted at the idea of who Lexa wants to replace him with.

“Titus, this wasn't a question.” Lexa responds calmly. She'd expected his outburst, that's why she had invited Gustus and Anya.

“Why Heda?” Titus asks reeling his emotions back.”Have I not served you to the best of my abilities?”

Lexa stands from her throne and puts her hand on Titus’ shoulder. “I am doing this for you Titus, you do not need to carry the burden by yourself any more.”

“Being your advisor and protector of the flame is not a burden to me Heda.” Titus says.

“What is the basis of your rejection Titus?” Gustus asks.

“Fleimkapa is a sacred duty to our people, she is not one of us.” Titus answers cutting a glare at Gustus.

Lexa turns her attention to him once again,her jaw tightening. “Clarke is one of us!”

“I apologise Heda, but she wasn't born amongst our people, she doesn't understand our ways.”

“She may not have been born of our people, but she has adapted to our ways,” Anya defends her second. “Clarke is an exceptional fighter and has a wealth of knowledge in the practice of healing. She is Trikru.”

“Your judgement is biased.” Titus challenges. “How well of a warrior can she be when she managed to be kidnapped?”

“She wouldn't be the first amongst us to be kidnapped,” Gustus points out.

“We were are at war!” Titus argues. “Now we are in a time of peace, the situations are different.”

“All of this is besides the point!” Lexa steps in to stave off the bickering.

“Then what is the point of this? Why her over anyone else?” Titus fires off his questions.

Lexa breathes in deeply taking a minute to calm herself. “Clarke is the best option as an additional Fleimkapa, as Anya has stated she's both skilled as a healer and a warrior. She's quick to learn new things and most importantly of all; she is my houmon.”

“What does her status as your bed mate have to do with her being a Fleimkapa?” Titus questions, pushing his luck.

Lexa throws him a withering glare at his choice of words and the man has the decency to shrink back. “As my houmon she has the most reason to keep me alive and none to betray me for her own gains.”

“Are you accusing me of something Heda?”

“Titus do not be foolish, you are one of the most loyal men I know.” Lexa dismisses. “Clarke will train with you because she has what it takes to be a Fleimkapa or would you rather continue following me into every battle?”

Titus paces the space for a moment running through his options. “The nightbloods would benefit from my undivided attention.” he murmurs and Lexa smiles.

“A great opportunity for them indeed.” Lexa agrees as Anya tries to hold in her amusement.

“Her training starts at dawn tomorrow.” Titus announces.

“Thank you Titus.” Lexa replies. Now that Titus has agreed, Lexa faces the more difficult task of getting Clarke on board.

* * *

 

“Absolutely not!” Clarke repeats Titus’ earlier protests. Lexa sighs knowing she's in for an uphill battle. “You want me to train with Titus, what exactly is he going to teach me? How to go bald and be surly.”

“Clarke,” stifling a laugh, Lexa tries to cut into her wife's ranting, but Clarke isn't having it and just throws her hand up and shoots her a look.

“Don't you think I know what you're doing?” she asks. “It's been two months Lexa and I practically had myself rescued before you guys even showed up.”

Lexa watches on as Clarke paces the room hands thrown in the air.

“Now you think that sticking me with Titus and saying it's an honor to be a flamekeeper is going to blind me to this tactic?” Clarke huffs seemingly unstoppable in her ire. “If you aren't around me then it's either Anya or Gustus. Just when I thought we cleared this up,you were just waiting to set me up for this! I can't believe you.”

Lexa's never seen Clarke in a rage. She's seen her annoyed, upset even angry but never enraged. She's red faced and breathing heavily as she paces their bedroom, usually calm blue eyes almost black with fire. Everything she's been holding back for the last two months finally erupting.

“I've been training harder, taking extra guard shifts and hunting trips to improve my awareness and it's not enough, is it?” Clarke continues to ask but doesn't wait for Lexa to answer. “Of course it isn't, otherwise you wouldn't be sticking me with _him_!"

“Clarke!” Lexa raises her voice snapping her wife out of her angry musings. She walks up to Clarke putting her hands on her shoulders and looking her in the eyes. “Listen to me for a moment _please_.”

Clarke pulls away with a huff and plops herself in the nearest chair, arms crossed. “What are you going to tell me that I haven't heard a million times already Lexa?”

Lexa takes a deep breath and gets on her knees in front of Clarke. “This is not about punishment Clarke. I know you have been putting in extra efforts in your training, every morning I wake up and you're already out training. I return home and you have yet to come back and when you do you are too exhausted to do anything beyond eat and sleep.”

Lexa takes Clarke's hands in hers giving them a squeeze. “You have nothing to prove to me Clarke, I know the timing may not be ideal, but this is something I have been thinking about for a long time.”

Clarke chuckles dryly. “Yeah two months is a very long time Lexa.” she pulls her hands back and crosses them over her chest again. Lexa deflates a bit, but doesn't lose her determination.

“You are the most logical choice as Fleimkapa Clarke. You are a strong warrior, a gifted Fisa and you love our people as if you were born amongst them. I chose you to be Titus’ apprentice because I trust you will do what's right for our people Clarke.” Lexa explains eyes fixed on Clarke.

“How long has this been on your mind.” Clarke asks and Lexa is hopeful they're about to turn the corner in their conversation.

“Do you remember that spring day by the lake when you asked me how I became Heda?” Lexa asks cautiously and Clarke nods. “Nobody had ever asked that question before and the ones to follow especially about the Fleimkapa.” Lexa pauses, she doesn't want to ruin this opportunity of calm. “Your genuine curiosity is what made me consider you, but I knew you'd never be accepted until our people saw you as one of ours.”

“It's been a year since our union Lexa and this has only come up _now_ , how am I supposed to believe that?.” Clarke challenges.

“I was afraid!” Lexa admits. Her knees ache from her position but she's vowed to herself not to move. Titus would find himself in an early grave if he saw her, saw _Heda_ , bowed down before someone else. Heda bows to no one, but Clarke isn't just anyone.

“What could the almighty Heda have to be afraid of?” Clarke spits. She knows she's being harsh to Lexa, but she's reached her boiling point and she wants answers.

“That your opinion of me will change when you learn the truth of what happens at the conclave.” Lexa's voice hitches. “The things I had to do in order to be chosen.” Lexa drops her head fighting back the painful memories. “I just wanted more time before that had to become a reality.”

The room is silent for a moment after the revelation.

“You are my houmon, you came from the sky and you own my heart Clarke. You are right to assume that by assigning you Fleimkapa it is for your protection, but it is not my only motive.” Lexa breaks the silence.

Clarke stands and pulls Lexa up with her, throwing her arms around her. “I need time to think about this, I love you.” Clarke whispers in her ear before breaking their embrace and leaving their room. Lexa stands rooted to her spot watching her leave.

* * *

 

The sun is sitting low in the sky by the time Clarke reaches the stables. Ironically it's usually where she goes when she feels overwhelmed. She never thought she'd come to feel so comfortable around horses but a lot has changed in the time she's been on Earth. She goes to her horse, which walks right up to her, always accepting of her affection. Anya had told her she spoils the animals, but she paid her no mind.

Mindlessly she brushes her horse's mane as she processes the conversation she and Lexa had just had. She needed to get out of there, she knows she probably hurt Lexa, but she needs time to think and Lexa has always been understanding of that need.

Lexa's reasoning is sound and she knows her wife is pragmatic. It makes sense that she would want to ensure her safety with such a sacred appointment, it would practically make Clarke untouchable amongst their people. Clarke wants to learn as much as she can about the people who took her in, the history, the traditions and the ceremonies. If she can protect Lexa with this knowledge she wants to know it all. Clarke just wishes they'd talked about it before just having it sprung on her out of the blue.

At the sense of an additional presence Clarke primes herself for attack with her hand on the hilt of her knife.

“There is no need for that.” Gustus says seeing Clarke's intent.

“Can't I even have a moment of peace? I'm sure the horses won't try to kidnap me.” Clarke responds releasing the hold on her dagger.

“I can assure you I was not sent to guard you.” Gustus tells her and Clarke doesn't quite believe him.

“Why are you here then?” Clarke asks.

“The horses have to eat and I like to feed them sometimes, it's calming.” Gustus answers and Clarke finally turns away from her horse and sees him with the carts of food.

“Can I help?” she asks meekly.

Gustus smiles and hands her one of the buckets. “Of course, it's a vast improvement over your first meetings with them.”

Clarke laughs as she places one bucket in the stable with Lexa's horse. She pats him a bit and he nuzzles her cheek. “In my defense I'd just fallen from the sky and I may not remember much of my time there, but I'm sure there weren't any horses in the sky.”

Gustus laughs out wholeheartedly at that. “I would imagine that would be unpleasant for the animals.”

“Oh I'm sure it would have been.” Clarke laughs putting the other bucket in front of her own horse.

The two continue to work in silence making sure all the horses have been fed and their waters changed. Clarke appreciates Gustus’ quiet and calming presence as they work.

“So what bothers you Skai Prisa?” Gustus asks once they're done feeding the horses.

“Lexa wants me to be Fleimkapa.” Clarke answers.

“That is a great honor, do you not wish to be Fleimkapa?”

“Of course I do, it's just her timing couldn't have been worse.” Clarke sighs.

“Because of the kidnapping.” Gustus surmises.

“Yes, she says that it's something she's been considering for a long time, but I don't know if I believe her.”

“Has she given you reason to be distrustful of her?” Gustus prods.

“No she hasn't. She even told me when she started thinking it through and why she didn't bring it forward sooner.” Clarke tells him.

“Do you not believe her about why she hadn't brought it forward sooner?”

“She was afraid I wouldn't have been accepted because I wasn't born of your people or had any actual ties.” Clarke answers. “Which I mean it makes sense, but I've been her houmon for a year now and she never brought it up.”

“Did she give you a reason for the delay in this discussion?”

“She's worried my opinion of her will change once I learn more about the conclave. Why would my opinion change?” Clarke sighs. “We've been in battle together, I've seen her kill people and she's seen me do the same.”

“Things done in war are easier to forgive.” Gustus says in way of an answer.

“Do you think I'll be able to do this?” Clarke asks meekly.

“You survived a fall from the sky, your spirit is strong and exists for a higher purpose Clarke.” Gustus encourages with a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“Thank you Gustus.” Clarke says with a small smile. The big man just nods and follows her out of the stables.

* * *

 

“I should go look for her.” Lexa worries as she continues pacing.

“She needs time Lexa this is not an easy decision to make. Clarke will come around.” Anya tries to assure her friend.

“I should have discussed this with her sooner, I let my fear get in the way.” Lexa continues on unfazed by Anya's words.

Both women look up as the door opens. “I said I didn't want to be bothered.” Lexa bellows to the guard.

“He's just being polite.” Clarke speaks up for the guard.

Anya stands and gives Lexa’s shoulder a quick squeeze before moving towards the bedroom doors and nodding to Clarke before slipping out.

“Clarke.” Lexa starts but is cut off by an unexpected kiss. She easily reciprocates and melts into Clarke's warm embrace.

“I love you and nothing will change that, not even having to train with Titus.” Clarke murmurs against Lexa's lips before kissing her once more. “When do I start?”

“At dawn,” Lexa answers between kisses. Ecstatic with Clarke's decision.

“Then you better make it up to me, before we go to sleep.” Clarke says pulling an all too willing Lexa to the bed.

 

 

 

 


End file.
